


30 days with Brienne

by molnistr



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Diary/Journal, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-07 04:54:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19202308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/molnistr/pseuds/molnistr
Summary: After the battle, Jaime starts to write in his diary to tell his journey in Winterfell with Brienne.





	1. Day one

Day one.

It seems like we have made it. It's hard to believe we are alive, it feels unreal.  
I am writing this in the middle of the night, Brienne is sleeping next to me and it feels like a dream. Tonight was special because we celebrated life, most of us were alive and even though we were mourning some of our loved ones, we all decided to have a good time tonight, because we deserved it. We just faced death and survived, we should all be celebrating.

Brienne, Tyrion and I had a lot of fun tonight, I felt pretty drunk even though I didn't drink that much. We were playing some stupid alcohol game when Tyrion told Brienne that she was still a virgin. She seemed embarrassed and left, she didn't drink. 

That's when I came into her room. I thought she was upset, or maybe sad so I wanted to make sure she was okay. And a part of me wanted to know if it was true. I wanted to know if Brienne was still a virgin. And she was. And that's when I knew I wanted to be the one. 

It was wonderful, first times are not always good but I think she liked what I did. I wanted her to feel beautiful and desired. It was her first time but she knew where, when and how to do it. No one ever made love to me this way before.

We are finally reunited and I don't want to say goodbye again. I remember when she told me to live, just after I lost my hand. I need to let her know she is the reason I am still alive. She made and still makes my life worth living. All these years I tried to live the life I was supposed to live, for the honor of House Lannister. Now I just feel like the Gods offer me a second chance, a taste of happiness and if I can't be with her then they should have let me die on the battlefield.

Now she is sleeping, and I just want to watch her sleep forever so I am sure she doesn't leave me. It feels unreal and I'm wondering if I do deserve this, but for once I will keep these thoughts away, just for one night.

After all these years, I think I am finally home. Not Casterly Rock, not Winterfell. Astonishing eyes and straw-colored hair, Brienne is my home.


	2. Day five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaime tells his fifth day with Brienne, blinded by love and unaware of what's coming next.

Day five

It has only been five days but it feels like I have always been here. Brienne will probably read this someday and I want her to know how much I am enjoying my life right now.

For the fifth time this week I woke up next to her. I will never get tired of these ocean eyes. Sometimes I’m scared to fall asleep. What if the North doesn’t want me anymore ? What if they decide they can’t trust me ? Am I trust-worthy ?   
But all the scary thoughts disappear when I am with her. Yesterday I told her she was beautiful. I think it was the first time, she turned red and I thought for a second that she would punch me in the face, but she just smiled, head down like a child who was scared to be lectured.

Brienne told me we would see the ocean on Tarth one day. She also said she was proud to be around me, she felt lucky. No one ever spoke about me that way before, she makes me special.  
And Brienne is special too. « Brienne », I love saying her name. I don’t want to stop saying it, I wake up and fall asleep next to Brienne. I want to be hers forever. Please, if the Gods are just, don't ever take her away from me.

We talked a lot about the past. The day I lost my hand, the bear pit. We love to add small details like "you were so pretty that day", "This day I realized you were a great person". And then we talked about Joffrey’s wedding. She told me about her short conversation with Cersei, « She said that I loved you, she knew ». My heart had stopped beating for a second. « She knew ? » I asked. When she realized what she said, she blushed. And I got pretty anxious I didn’t know what to do so I kissed her on the cheek, I made a fool of myself in front of her. But she just laughed and kissed me.

Do you ever just want to stop time and lay down for the rest of your life with the person you care about and love the most ?   
It’s late and Brienne is sleeping. She always falls asleep before I do, I just love to watch her sleep so I pretend I am not sleepy so she can fall asleep peacefully. Sometimes it feels like she fears she is never going to see me again the next morning. But I am here, and I am not going anywhere.


	3. Day nine

Day 9

 

Today we talked about children. It’s not something I’m comfortable with and Brienne knows it. She let me speak and listened to me. I told her how it was hard to be a father but to not be able to act like one. I never had the opportunity to be a father. The Gods gave me an opportunity with Myrcella but took it back in a second. She hesitated for a bit and asked me if I still wanted kids. I answered « only if they have your kindness and honor », it made her smile again.

I wish I were born in the right family and married Brienne. We would have ten kids running everywhere in the house, we would have taught them how to use a sword, how to be kind and selfless. Brienne would be a wonderful mother, the kind of mother who would do anything for her kids, they would admire their mother so much.  
One night, she whispered before saying goodnight « You can still have your own new family ». 

Me ? I can have something to claim as my own ? I have never seen things this way. Brienne surprises me more and more every day. She is so well thought, romantic, caring..

Tomorrow we are planning to go for a ride, just the two of us. These are the moments I cherish the most, when it’s the just the two of us. We would hold hands like awkward teenagers and looking down at our feet. I thought I knew what was love, but I was mistaken. I feel so loved around her, I am so thankful. Sometimes she makes me want to love myself too.


End file.
